2007

Saturday, January 20, 2007

2007 already?!? Even though the 21st is tomorrow, today is Saturday - and exactly one year ago I was a brand new bride - we hadn't even gotten to the reception yet! New Zealand was yet to come, and I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. It absolutely blows my mind how life changes so quickly....one year later, I'm the mother to a 10 week old little boy, and still the happiest I've ever been!! So Happy Anniversary to my love....and here's to many many many more!!

Tuesday March 26, 2007

Maybe I'm being sentimental tonight, but I have been sitting here reflecting back on the past 4 1/2 months in awe. Being a mother just blows my mind. I've always liked babies, but this is so different - I knew it would be, but it still takes my breath away. I walk by the mirror in the hallway sometimes with RJ and catch us in the mirror together and can't believe it. Here's this little adorable baby - I could just be babysitting or something, but then I look and he looks just like me. He sees me in the mirror and breaks out into this huge grin and my heart melts for the 87th time that morning. He's growing into such a wonderful little boy - his personality is coming out. He smiles all the time! He's ridiculously happy in the mornings. His eyes will be all swollen from sleep and he'll be nursing and I'll look down and catch his eye and say "Hi!" and he'll break into this HUGE smile. He kicks like a running horse when he's happy, especially when he's naked! He's discovered his voice, and is in the process of discovering his hands. He loves the tv and will sit in his bumbo seat and talk to it. He's a flirt and already has a girlfriend - the two year old that our neighbor babysits - if she doesn't pay attention to him, he works really really hard to get it! He discovered Darby had fur the other day and sat there kneading at her for a long time. He's got play rings on his carseat and holds on to them non stop. He'll watch the dogs or cats run by. He giggles when you blow in his face and make him gasp and his favorite phrase is "boogieboogie!" - it cracks him up so bad he wrinkles up his little nose. He loves the bathtub - as long as it's really warm. He does NOT want to be left sitting - he wants to be up and on his feet! You hold him up, he gets this serious look on his face and nods his head like he's saying "yes!!". I can hold him for hours and bury my nose in what little hair he has and just smell him. I could kiss his chubby cheeks a thousand times a day and it wouldn't be enough. He doesnt like to go to bed at night, but if you hold him still enough and hard enough and pat his butt he'll zonk out and sleep like both of his parents. I put him to bed at night and have to check on him several times becuase I miss him. Every day he does something and I see someone else in him. I've seen my grandmother, Rick's sister's son, my uncle, my brother, me, Rick, Preslee, my dad....He's a far cry from the teeny infant in the plastic box that got yanked into this cold world much too soon and too small - through no fault of his own. He was strong then, and had his guardian angels watching over him. He is still strong and I just know those guardian angels are there with him still. (Thank you Grandma, among others!) You could hold him in one hand then and he'd sleep, and now he's grown into a pudgy little man that holds onto your necklace and has to see everything that's going on when you carry him. People have told me that I have wonderful things coming in life becuase of what I did for my dad - I believe I have already been blessed beyond belief, but I also know that RJ is my reward! Seeing my mom cradle him in her arms or hearing my brother talk to him endlessly about computer programs brings tears to my eyes. It amazes me to see my dad put him right up on his shoulder to burp him like he's been doing it for years - even when he can't remember me or Bob as babies. Giving my dad something that helps make his life more liveable is priceless to me. He is one amazing little man. And he's mine. I couldn't be more in love.

Tuesday April 24, 2007

RJ continues to amaze me every day. He's growing into a little boy - the teeny baby is gone already. He's almost 6 months old - I can hardly believe it. This week he learned how to reach out and grab things - like his pacifier. Rick said he actually found it himself in his crib the other night. He isn't quite coordinated enough to get it into his mouth all the time. He usually gets himself in the eye or on the nose, and usually with the side of it, but he's getting there! The weekend I worked over Easter, he learned to blow raspberries and make ththththth sounds. He's had a great two weeks spitting all over everyone practicing his new skill. This past weekend while I worked he learned to say mamamamama. I keep telling Rick he's a genius and is saying Mama at 5 1/2 months, but I know he's just learning new sounds. It's so incredible to see him learn something new!! He's discovered Baby Einstein and LOVES the videos we got for a baby shower present from the Busches. He'll sit in his swing and yell at the tv and kick his legs and watch. When the video ends he cries. Other than that he's partial to Star Wars. Not big on cartoons yet, although he loves to sit on Rick's lap and watch the computer screen when he plays video games. Now that it's nice out we've started walking to the park and I sat him in the baby swings last week - he was so teeny in them, but he seemed to like the big arc of the swing. He started making some odd noises like he was getting a little weirded out, or motion sick, so we didn't stay there long, but he did love the walk in the fresh air!!

As for Rick and me, I feel like other than the baby, we're just playing catch up to keep up with life whizzing on by!! Preslee's finishing up 5th grade already...she'll be in middle school next year. That's hard to believe too. Dad just turned 65 (pictures are up on his website - www.bobdesilets.com) and we took him to his favorite place - the chinese restaurant he designed downtown in the 80s. He's doing well and is glad to get back to his Phillies games. I think he's itching to get into his garden too. Bob's busy with school and Maddie and it's so much fun to hang out with them - when I was little I never would have imagined that we'd hang out together with our significant others when we grew up. I love having him nearby. Mom's busy with work as usual, and is loving being a grandma. She babysits for us, and RJ loves his Nana!!

Tuesday May 29, 2007

Time sure flies when there's a little one around!! I've been updating RJ's site more regularly than mine, but I know I've been neglecting my own journal so here I am! RJ has started on rice cereal and he seems to like it. He's learning how to use a sippy cup, but he's not so good at it. He's getting so frustrated with not being able to move himslef around - he's starting to want to see and grab everthing and wants you to be his legs to carry him around. So, we finally broke down and got an exersaucer for him - he loves it! It entertains him for a while and gives me a chance to do something around the house. His other favorite thing is a plastic handled ice cream scoop - it's big and he can bite on it, but not get it so far into his mouth that he chokes. No teeth yet, but the drooling and the biting is increasing. He was up to 13lbs 13oz at his 6 month check up. He's had no residual effects from being born so early except for something called tracheomalacia - the cartilage in his throat is floppy. It just makes him a loud breather and he should outgrow it by the time he's 2. The doctor is working him up for other problems just in case - so we're not waiting around for him to outgrow something that was really not the problem in the first place - only to find some other issue when he's 2. She thinks the tracheomalacia is most likely the issue and we won't find anything else, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Bob's in Seattle with Maddie, Dad's doing well and Mom's busy with work and all her extra stuff - she just got published again in another nursing magazine. Speaking of being published, I got published in a Community Health Nursing textbook! Just a little blurb in the beginning of a chapter. Rick's still looking for work and spending his free time fishing or out on the motorcycle. Mine needs some work before I can get out and ride with him still. Other than that, we're just following the routine of being new parents, and spending a lot of time at home - thank goodness we took the fence down in the backyard - now we can hang out with Sharon, John and the kids a lot easier!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

RJ's 7 months old already! Sheesh. I can't believe it. He's more and more like a little boy and less and less a baby every day.

On a sad note, after a lot of debate, soulsearching and tears, we've decided it's time for Darby to find another home. She's a sweet dog, but she's too jealous of anyone else - especially RJ. She hasn't pooped outside the house more than a handful of times in the last month. She knows perfectly well how to tell us she's gotta go, and chooses not to. We've worked with her, hired a trainer, and prayed. It breaks both our hearts, but it's time. RJ will be mobile soon and it's not sanitary or safe for him. As it is, we're holding him back developmentally becuase the only chance he has to roll over and try to get up on all fours is in his crib. We're trying to tell ourselves that she will be happier in a home that can give her the attention she needs, but it still sucks. In the end I guess it's coming down to chosing RJ over the dog, which is a no-brainer, but it still just really sucks. :( She will be going back to the Boxer Rescue and they will foster her until they find her another home. There is NO chance of her being put down, or living out her life in a kennel, which is the only way we would agree to surrender her. I SO wish we could keep her. Damn, being an adult really sucks sometimes.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

So Darby went back to her foster home on Sunday. It's been really sad around here and there's a big empty spot in the house. It is nice though not to have to worry about walking in dog pee all the time, and not having to worry about where she is at all times so she doesn't eat your stuff. There are rugs back in the house too, and the baby gate is down on the steps - although that will be back up soon enough I'm sure!! We've both shed some tears, but Rick is taking it really hard. Time will heal though, and we're getting reports that she's doing really well at the foster home - they still have her mother, so she's getting re-acquainted, and they've taken her in the swimming pool!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

I went on the Second Chance Boxer Rescue website tonight and Darby's listed under pending adoptions! Less than two weeks! I'm so happy for her. Life around here is a lot nicer with her gone...we have rugs back down, don't have to worry about walking in something gross if you're not looking, and the baby can get down on the floor and learn to crawl!! Rick's up in Buffalo at a ref tryout camp for the NCAA! He's a great ref so I'm sure he'll get it. He's really excited about it!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Darby was adopted by a wonderful lady in upstate NY that has 39 acres, a farm and a pond! She walks her 2 miles a day and Darby has another dog to play with. It's really a win-win situation. Life around our house has been much nicer since she's been gone too. No more dog poop and pee to clean up every time you turn around, and little RJ is learning to crawl on the floors with no chance of crawling into anything nasty.

RJ is cutting teeth, although nothing has come through yet. There are big bubbles n his bottom gum so I'm hoping any day now. This morning he "inch-wormed" his way a few feet across our bed, so I'm betting he'll be a crawling man before the end of the week! He loves to walk if you let him hold onto your hands too. He wants to be mobile!!!

On a sad note, I'm asking everyone to keep Rick's cousin Ashley in their prayers - those of you who know me know I'm not a really religious person, but I know that prayer works, and she really needs it!! She's 18, lives in Oregon, and was seriously brain injured in a motorcycle accident Saturday. She was riding on the back of her boyfriend's sport bike, wearing a helmet that didn't fit. He was speeding, passed several cars on a curve in a no-passing zone, popped a wheelie and she flew off the back. The helmet protected her from the initial impact (that probably would have killed her instantly), but popped off and she hit again on a gravel driveway. They had to remove about half her skull, and what's left is a maze of cracks. They removed part of her left frontal lobe and had her in a drug induced coma. They started backing her off the medications yesterday and she gave them a thumbs up, but it's still so early to tell how oriented she is and what kind of deficits she'll have. Her brain is still swelling, so her injury isn't even complete yet. They took her off the ventilator today and she's breathing on her own and according to family she's communicating through touch and eye contact. Aunt Joanne (her grandmother) asked her for a hug and she tried to raise her arms. That's not really an accurate indicator of how she's doing though - you can give someone the thumbs up that you're ok but still think it's 1986 and you're in Ohio. You can smile and blink at people and not know who they are. Time will tell. This is a really difficult part becuase now it's a waiting game that may take years. SO - please keep her and her family in your prayers - her grandmother is Rick's aunt (his mom's sister) and her father is Rick's cousin Aaron. Some of you may have met them both at our wedding. We've purchased www.ashleybilyeu.com and will be setting up the site for her soon. We're hoping to set up a place people can leave messages for her and the family and hopefully link to a fund for her medical care since we're not sure she has medical insurance and her boyfriend that was driving was not licensed or insured.

Friday, July 20, 2007

So this week I did something I've only done one other time in my life - I let someone go, and ended our friendship. Wow, that's a hard thing to do. I don't wish her any bad, in fact I hope she finds what she's looking for in life and is very happy. Our friendship had just gotten to the point that it was making both of us miserable. Things came to a nasty head and I guess I finally had had enough and let it go. I've been upset about it, but I know in my heart that we will both be better off, and honestly I feel lighter now that its done. It has been a weight hanging over me. You know the old saying, "people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime". I've always had a hard time with that becuase I always seem to expect people are going to stay for a lifetime. I have lost touch with people in the past, and accepted that they were in my life for a reason, or even a season, but only once have I actually done the "breaking-up" with a friend. Even in romantic situations, I've never been one to do the breaking up. The one time I did this before, it was a situation where the friend was mean, horrible and walked all over me for a long time. I finally had enough and stood up for myself - not something I do often enough according to those that love me. As much as this hurts, I am proud of myself for doing it - it was the right thing to do. I haven't quite reconciled yet what the bigger meaning is in all of this, but that will come with time. In the meantime, I am finding solace in the love and support of my loving friends and family. (Thank you Rick, Sharon, Haley, Mom, Bob & Maddie, Preslee, Dad, RJ and Balu...)

Sunday, August 5, 2007

We got home yesterday from a week at the beach (Wildwood) with Rick's family. This year we decided to take Dad along, since he hasn't had a real vacation since before his accident. I was nervous and expected to come home totally exhausted. I was pleasantly surprised. Dad did a lot better than I expected - although every morning was like the movie 50 First Dates. Every morning he forgot where he was and got scared and upset until one of us found him wandering and reoriented him. He only got up in the middle of the night and fell once. The one thing that I didn't really think much about before we left was him spending time with RJ. It was probably the greatest thing of the entire week. Dad got a chance to be a grandpa. There was one time in particular that we left him with RJ by himself (we were right near and kept an eye on him, but he didn't know he wasn't alone), and he did phenominally well!! RJ started to fuss at one point and Dad picked him up out of the stroller, rocked him and cradled him and RJ calmed right down. The two of them sat together for a long time after that. I can't tell you how it makes my heart feel to see that. Dad had a good week I think - and it was SO nice to spend some quality time with him! We did the beach, the boardwalk, and even a little rollercoaster! He ate seafood, got some sun, had a few beers and had a good time. It was a great week! :)

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Bob and Maddie got engaged tonight!! (Pictures on the 2007 page) He gave her a gorgeous ring and they both are so happy....and we are all thrilled to welcome Maddie into the family!! Rick's already planning the bachelor party!

RJ got his second tooth today and is crawling up a storm. He's growing up so fast!!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

It's been six years since 9/11....and I remember distinctly where I was and how I felt on that horrible day. I am reminded most this year of how different my life is now than it was back then. I didn't know Rick. The friendship that recently ended hadn't even begun yet. RJ was a distant hope. I was a different person living a different life. Incredible what can happen in a few short years.

The friendship that I talked about ending a few months back is finally, once and for all, done. It's taken this long for me to get back things that I had lent to this person that were very important to me and today I did. I have been asked to remove all traces of her from my life and forget I ever knew her. I'm not finding a problem in that...and that's just reassurance to me that I made the right decision. It's sad, but it's what had to be done. Life moves on. Besides the fact that just in ending the one friendship, a different old friend made her way back into my life and for that I am very grateful. Life has a way of bringing things full circle, or making things right - even if it takes years in the process. I'm learning to just live my life and surrender it to the way it's going to be. In that way I am learning to be happier. What is to come will come, and I know that even if I'm not for a period of time, I will be happy in the end. The hard times don't last. The good times do, family does, real friends do, and love does.

We got back from Maine a week ago - it was RJ and Maddie's first times up there! RJ didn't sleep the entire trip, but Maddie loved it!! I came home exhausted. So much for my relaxing vacation. Haley came up too for the first half and it was soooo great to have her up there. She gave me the best gift in the world by taking RJ in his baby bjorn for long, I mean two-hour-long, walks in the mornings so I could get some sleep!! I love Haley! I loved her anyway before, but I love her even more!!

Tomorrow we leave for Oregon to visit Rick's family for a few days then travel up to Seattle for my cousin Emma's wedding on Sunday. I am looking forward to the trip, but I am nervous about traveling so far with RJ....after the Maine debacle I'm a little weary. We'll see. I'll be glad to be back home and start planning RJ's first birthday......if you can believe that already!!!

Sunday October 28, 2007

Man I'm bad about updating on here....and time just keeps on flying by. Little RJ is standing up on his own, has 6 teeth and is growing up way too fast. I can't believe his first birthday is right around the corner. This time last year I wasn't even sick yet, and naively thought I still had 2 months of being pregnant to go!!

Our trip west was great - seeing Rick's family was really nice and my cousin's wedding was beautiful. We got home and Bob and Maddie set a date - March 1, 2008. I've been recruited as unofficial wedding planner, so I've been off and running trying to get it all done in time. It's actually really well under control - and Maddie has asked me to be her Matron of Honor - and I couldn't be more excited!!

Other than that stuff, life has been pretty status quo - it's finally getting cooler, which I love, but which also means that time we can spend outside with the little man is growing short, unless I get him bundled up like a snowmonster!

Friday November 9, 2007

My baby turned 1 today!!! I can't belive it's been a year. I spent the whole day looking at the clock and remembering exactly where I was at that time one year ago. This morning remembering being in the bathtub telling Rick I didn't think we were going to make it to Christmas (our due date) but that I'd like to get to December, this afternoon pacing the living room floor in a panic with Balu shaking and staring at me trying to be as small as he could while I waited for Mom to pick me up to go to the hospital, lying in the hospital bed waiting for some sort of news and some sort of relief from the pain, being told they needed to get the baby out ASAP, being told they were going to section me (and wanting to kiss the doctor for it), lying on the table while RJ was pulled from me - Rick holding my hand but being too weak to even hold his hand back, hearing the words "It's a little boy!". What a year its been!! I will probably be one of those mothers that calls her kid on their birthday every year just to recount the story - "30 years ago today...." I always said I wasn't going to be like that, but once you're in the situation and have been through it all, it's a different story!!! Happy Birthday to my little man. I love you!!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Dad's anniversary was last night. It was an emotional day for all of us and I found myself re-living things throughout the day. I wrote Dad a very emotional letter for his memory book - and writing about it again is difficult...so, I'm pasting excerpts from it here, and also pasting from an email I sent out tonight:

"December 10, 2007

Dad,
“What a long strange trip it’s been”….the last 10 years has been life altering for both of us. It’s hard to put it into one letter, but I’ll try my best to express my feelings to you.
There’s so much about our relationship that you do not remember...You don’t remember me growing up – but believe me, you were a very significant and important person in my life. You were the first person to hold me in the delivery room after I was born...You taught me how to ride a bike...You (jokingly) told me to try out for the tuba when it came time for me to pick a musical instrument….not wanting to disappoint you, I did. The thing was bigger than I was, but I didn’t know you were kidding!...You introduced me to roller coasters,...the art of cake decorating, and to the incredible woman that was your mother...You taught me to drive...You drove me to college on my 18th birthday and cried as you drove away – I was crying too...You cheered me on at graduation and encouraged me to strike out on my own – even showing up at my new front door the day after I moved into my own place, with Aurora in tow. Your furry little house-warming present. I loved living so close to you...You accepted me as the adult I was becoming more than anyone else did – even myself...you told me that you would always love me, and that I had grown up to be your best friend...the Friday night before your accident; you and I went to Grandma’s for hamburgers and a rented movie – it is the last memory I have of us together before life changed.

The night of your accident I...was woken up at 11:30 by my roommate telling me I had a phone call...It was the hospital...I still had no idea what your condition was, but when we were met at the door by a social worker that handed me your watch and wallet, I knew it was bad...You were a big swollen, bandaged, bloody mess, and I took one look at you and started to pass out. Steve started to pray over you and I just sat there with a nurse holding a cool cloth to my neck, Mom holding my hand. She made me talk to you that night – she said you could hear me. I told you I loved you. I didn’t know if you were in there or not. I know now that you were.

It’s been a long road since then...You tell people all the time that I straightened your meds out and really helped you along, but you need to know that I could have done backwards handsprings repeatedly and it wouldn’t have meant a thing if YOU hadn’t done all that hard work. I know what life has been like for me for the past ten years, and believe me, I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s been like for you. You are a walking miracle and a testament to perseverance and faith.

Facing what I have had to face because of you has made me into the person that I am today. I owe you so much, and you don’t even know. I firmly believe that if I hadn’t been through everything with you, I wouldn’t have mended my broken heart and become the person that was right and ready when Rick came into my life. Because of you I had the courage and strength to go back to school...I love what I do, and I am proud of what I do; and that is in large part because of you.

I started this letter with memories of you and me before your accident...I have a whole other list of memories of us since that night: Helping you re-learn to walk, eat, and feed yourself again...Walking behind you and Grandma as you insisted on helping her walk from the car to a restaurant, knowing full well if one of you tripped, I’d have to catch both of you – but that it made both of you happy..Watching you become more and more independent. Sitting next to you at a Phillies game as you cheer your heart out. Knowing that you have accepted Preslee as your own whole-heartedly, just as I knew you would. Walking down the aisle to my future husband with you at my side firmly holding me steady, just as I’d always imagined. Watching you hold my infant son in your arms like the old pro you are. Knowing that you will be here to be a dad and a grandfather for years to come. I have so many wonderful memories of you, I can’t begin to put them all here. I look forward to making many, many more.

We have come full circle, you and I. Father and Daughter, although sometimes it seemed like Mother and Son I’m sure. I can’t even truly put into words what you mean to me, or how much I love you. I have done more in the last ten years than you will ever know – and I’d do it all again in a second if I had to. Even that is not enough; but just know that you are my dad and I would do anything for you.

It’s been a long road for us both – and you have exceeded expectations and amazed us all. As hard as it has been, it has also been an honor and a privilege to have accompanied you on this journey. So as we recognize ten long years since that night that changed us both forever, I am as proud as ever to call you my dad. I love you. Congratulations!"

and

"Last night, we took Dad out to dinner as a family and celebrated ten years of his recovery. It was a wonderful night! Dad was awed with his book of letters from you all - thank you so very much to everyone that wrote. Your letters were loving, emotional, and supportive - it was a beautiful, tangible piece of proof for Dad and he will treasure it. He particularly liked that many people chose to enclose thoughts on memories of Dad before the accident - things he didn't particularly remember, but when they were metioned, the memory came flooding back. He desperately craves any information on things he was a part of, either before or after the accident. The letters really reinforced to us all what a great man Dad was and is, and just how far he's come. There was a bit of re-living that day 10 years ago for both Bob Jr. and I, but we wanted to focus on Dad and his recovery. There were a lot of tears flowing (from all of us!!) so we declined to take pictures - this is a rare email from me without pictures attached or a link to a website enclosed!!
Again, thank you to you all for the letters, and if you haven't had a chance to send one, please know that the book is expandable and we have additional pages for it, so please feel free to contribute a letter even though the anniversary has passed!
We wish you all a wonderful holiday and a blessed new year. Don't forget to take a moment to hug your family and friends and tell them you love them - we almost lost that chance with Dad, and won't take that for granted ever again. You all gave Dad a huge hug last night and for that we are grateful.
Fondly,
Chelle and Bob Jr."

Congratulations Dad on being a walking miracle. I love you very much.